My mother was born in Nicaragua as Elizabeth del Carmen Moreira Acuña Gutiérrez. She lived with extended family in Nicaragua until she was 13 years old when she immigrated to the United States to live with her biological mother. At that time her last name was changed to her mother’s married name Pankratz. When I was born I was given that last name as well because my biological father wasn’t in my life.

The name never quite fit for me. It didn’t feel connected to my heart, my identity or my ancestral roots. No name really did. I was given 2 more last names throughout my upbringing, my mother’s married names.

It wasn’t until I met my great grandfather, Luis Gutiérrez, that I knew that someday I wanted to change my last name to Gutiérrez. His gentleness, patience and joyful spirit resonated deeply with me. It was also something that felt truer to my connection with my mother, her roots and her identity.

Finding solid ground in my identity has been a journey of discovering who I am in the context of my personal and family history while also holding what is true for my own being. In 2021 and after almost two decades of considering this possibility, I changed my last name to Gutiérrez. I didn’t truly know how much power a name could hold until I took this step. I feel more like myself than ever.